The healing process
Steps for ending conflict and restoring love in any relationship
If you have any relationship that isn’t working, you have something to do with it. At the minimum, you are fighting the truth of the way the other person is. This destroys the experience of love and fuels a cycle of conflict.
Fortunately, it's relatively easy to turn your situation around. This is because a cycle of conflict is like a tennis volley. It takes two people to keep the volley going. It only takes one person to end it. As soon as someone refuses to return the serve, the volley is over.
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Use the following steps to heal your relationship,
one human being to another
1. Find and heal the hurt that is being triggered by the other person
Ultimately, you resist the person because that person strikes a nerve in you. Once you find and heal this hurt, the need to resist disappears. You restore your ability to see clearly and can see what needs to be done. You also interact in a way that can create love instead of more hurt. Learn more
2. Give the person full permission to be the way he or she is
That person is the way he or she is whether you like it or not. Your feelings are totally irrelevant. When you are at peace with the truth of the way someone is, you see your situation clearly and can see what needs to be done. When you fight the way someone is, you destroy love. You create conflict and make your situation worse. Learn more
3. Forgive the person
When you resent someone, you put up walls of protection and forcefully fuel the cycle of conflict. You also become bitter and less able to express love to others. You make yourself a victim and keep your hurt alive. Forgiveness is not for the other person, forgiveness is for you. Learn more
4. Find and accept your full 100% responsibility for the loss of love
Relationships are not 50/50. They are 100/100. Each person is 100% responsible for the presence or absence of love. Once you see your role in a problem, you can do something about it. When you blame, you lose your power and stay stuck. Learn more
5. Let the person go
When you hang on to someone, you push the person away. The person feels suffocated and has to fight for breathing room. Just look at how you feel when someone hangs on to you. Once you are willing to lose someone, that person will no longer need to avoid you. You can then focus on creating an environment of love. Learn more
6. See that you are just like the other person
Any characteristic that you can't stand in another person is an aspect of you that you can't stand in yourself. You may not do what the other person does, but it's still in you. Once you discover that this characteristic is also in you, your resistance towards the person gets replaced with compassion. You also become more at peace with yourself.
7. Get with the person and clean up your relationship
Tell the person that you've had some major self-discoveries and that you want to clean up your relationship. Take full responsibility for what happened and ask the person to forgive you. If you have been hanging on, give the person freedom to leave. Say whatever you need to say to heal your relationship.
8. Follow it up with action
Every time you interact with the person, you will either create love or destroy love, and whatever you give will come right back. So make sure you always give love. Put the focus on ending the conflict and healing your relationship, one human being to another. When you create an environment of love, everything else will take care of itself.
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The best way to heal a relationship is to work with Bill Ferguson. He can walk you through the healing process. The Mastery of Life Video Course can also walk you through the process. If you want to have a major healing and do it fast, attend our weekend workshop, Return To The Heart.
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Do you have a painful relationship?
Do you have a painful relationship or an area of life that isn’t working? Would you like to have this area of your life clear up? You can. The best way to do this is to work directly with Bill Ferguson. You can also attend our weekend workshop, Return To The Heart. Give us a call. We can talk about your situation and create a plan of action.
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You can heal your relationships and create a great life, but you have to know how. Both the video course and the free e-course walk you through the steps. As you work with the lessons, you change your life.