The underlying condition
that gets us in trouble
Every area of life that doesn't work can be traced to this hurt
At any moment, your life is exactly the way that it is. When you are at peace with the truth of the way your situation is, you are very effective. You see clearly and automatically look in a direction where solutions and opportunity show up. When you fight the truth, you do the opposite. You become ineffective and make your situation worse.
So why do we fight the truth? We fight the truth because the truth hurts. It strikes a nerve. It triggers a childhood hurt. When this happens, we feel threatened. To avoid this perceived threat, we fight, resist, hang on, and withdraw. We interact in a way that destroys love and creates more hurt.
Here is how it works
When you were born, you were pure love, but you were born into a world that suppresses this state. Then you got hurt. You experienced rejection, invalidation, and painful losses of love.
As a little child, the only way you could explain these painful losses of love was to blame yourself. "Clearly I'm the problem." In a moment of deep hurt, you decided that you were worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, a failure, or some other form of feeling "not okay."
It wasn't the truth that you were this way, but in the eyes of a little child, it became your truth. You then took this a step further and fought the very belief that you created. "Worthless is a horrible way to be." You fought the belief and you fought all the hurt that came with it. From that moment on, the primary, subconscious focus of your life would be to avoid this hurt.
It's the automatic avoidance of this hurt that gets us in trouble. Any circumstance that triggers this hurt is perceived subconsciously as a threat. To avoid this threat, we fight, resist, hang on and withdraw. We destroy love and create lots of suffering.
How we sabotage our relationships
In relationships, these nerves tend to collide. This creates a destructive cycle of conflict. Here is an example that demonstrates this:
Let's say that I have a relationship someone. No matter how wonderful she may be, she will never be wonderful enough to keep my hurt from being triggered. It's like having a bad sunburn. Sooner or later, something is going to touch it.
When this nerve is struck, I won’t notice that I have a nerve that is being triggered. I will only notice what triggered it. HER! Subconsciously, I will perceive her as a threat. In an automatic attempt to protect myself from this perceived threat, I will get defensive and put up my walls of protection. I will then become judgmental and act destructively. This triggers her hurt.
Instantly, she will feel threatened. To protect herself from me, she will put up her walls of protection and either attack or withdraw. Then my hurt gets triggered even more and I become more critical of her. Then she becomes more critical of me. Then I become more critical of her.
Without knowing, we create a cycle of conflict, a cycle of hurting, attacking, and withdrawing from each other. This cycle then goes on and on without either person ever noticing his or her role in the conflict.
The problem may seem to be what the other person is doing, but it’s not. This is not the problem. It's the symptom. The real problem is the underlying cycle of conflict and the hurt that fuels it. Fortunately, all of this can be healed.
The best way to heal this hurt and restore the love in your relationship is to work directly with Bill Ferguson. You can also take our video course and attend our weekend workshop, Return To The Heart.
Watch the video and learn more about why
certain areas of life don't work
This video is from the Mastery of Life Video Course
Do you have a painful relationship?
Do you have a painful relationship or an area of life that isn’t working? Would you like to have this area of your life clear up? You can. The best way to do this is to work directly with Bill Ferguson. You can also attend our weekend workshop, Return To The Heart. Give us a call. We can talk about your situation and create a plan of action.
You can heal your relationships and create a great life, but you have to know how. Both the video course and the free e-course walk you through the steps. As you work with the lessons, you change your life.