What creates and
It's the experience of love that matters
Love by itself is never enough to have a relationship work. The divorce courts are full of people who love each other. The key to having a great relationship is to make sure the other person feels loved.
When the experience of love is present you are happy, alive, and free. You feel good about yourself and good about life. You are confident, creative, and very effective. You radiate a very positive energy and great things happen around you. This is the experience of love.
This is also the happiness that we seek. It’s what we want in our relationships and in our lives. So what creates the experience of love? The experience of love is created by giving the gift of acceptance and appreciation.
See this in your life
Notice how you feel when someone genuinely accepts and appreciates you. Doesn't this feel good? Of course it does. You feel better about yourself and better about life. You also feel better about the other person.
The same thing happens when you accept and appreciate someone else. That person automatically feels better about life and better about you. By giving acceptance and appreciation, you create the experience of love.
Now notice how you feel when someone is non-accepting, critical, or controlling toward you. Instantly, the experience of love disappears. You get hurt and upset. You put up your walls of protection and automatically resist the person who is non-accepting toward you.
The same thing happens when you are non-accepting toward someone else. That person gets upset, puts up his or her walls of protection, and automatically becomes critical and resentful toward you. Then you get hurt and become more critical of the other person. Then the other person gets more upset and becomes more critical of you.
The cycle of conflict
Without knowing, you create a cycle of conflict, a cycle of hurting, attacking, and withdrawing from each other. This cycle then goes on and on without either person ever noticing his or her role in the problem. It's this cycle of conflict that creates the suffering in relationships.
To end the cycle of conflict, or to make sure it never starts, make sure the other person feels loved, accepted, and appreciated. This is the key to having any relationship work.
Unfortunately, this is much easier said than done. Some people are very difficult to accept. Fortunately, acceptance is nothing more than surrendering to the truth. The people in your life are exactly the way they are whether you like it or not.
Surrendering to the truth is one of the keys to being effective in relationships. When you are at peace with the truth, you can see the truth. When you can see the truth, you can see what you need to do. We'll talk more about this in the next article.
If you want your relationship to be great, let go of your demands and expectations for how the person should be and make peace with the truth of the way the person is. Then empower the person and watch what happens.
Watch the video and learn more about
the experience of love
This video is from the Mastery of Life Video Course
Do you have a painful relationship?
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